One Wish

One Wish

by: Tyler Ross

A day hasn’t gone by

or many minutes 

where you haven’t been

living beautifully in my mind.

Wish I could hit rewind

and like Groundhog Day,

relive those summer months.

How did I let these times go by,

not showing you

that you were first

and most important

of all-time?

As maturity & growth are excavated

in self-purgatory

and self-awareness leads way 

to mostly glory

I’m still reminded of the shitty parts

to our story

where I wasn’t the best you deserved

and I’m sitting watching you live life 

without me is absurd.

I really hate this.

Why did I create this?

I took a separate shot at space and time

and really really missed.

Only I have myself to be so pissed.

I daydream all the time 

about the life we should be living.

I want to quit so many things

given the second chance and you forgiving.

I don’t even recognize 

that foolish soul many months ago.

I hate that you don’t even see me now,

because of what you now know.

Give me a genie lamp

and I’ll only need the one wish.

I’ll prove to you forever

you’re the one I’m in love with.

Hunger Pains

Hunger Pains

By: Tyler Ross

I know that you don’t see me,

but I love you still.

I’ve found my time is needy,

and I’m lacking the will.

To see outside of me

and my selfish ways.

We just pretend to be strong,

while caught up in our own waves.

Tumbling and crashing,

trying to take the reins.

Struggling and disconnecting,

feeding our own hunger pains.

I know that you don’t hear me,

but I love you still.

I’ve been working on myself,

trying to stabilize this commitment pill.

To know its hurting to see

and feel these words.

This distance isn’t just torture.

It’s crushing and for the birds.

Tumbling and crashing,

trying to take the reins.

Struggling and disconnecting,

feeding our own hunger pains.

Re-Learning To Love Thy Self: A.P.C. Part 2

Re-Learning To Love Thy Self: A.P.C. Part 2

by: Tyler Ross

Still figuring out how to love myself.

I try to look deep down

and there’s a sadness 

affecting my health.

I know it’s there.

Love lost because I decided to

tear at my heart

Dared to part

with the warmest I’ve known

from my life’s start.

I fucking ruined what I had

because I was scared of my new home.

The sweetest love.

Ready, aimed and soared above

the unknown

out of my mind

and away from the ultimate love possibilities.

Accepted and protected,

I was.

Lost my second chance all because

I had it all and I dropped the biggest ball 

one can get in this life.

I feel antsy almost every night.

Tight in my chest and in my mind, 

alright?

You don’t leave my mental site.

And that’s all right.

I’ve tried and you always seem to be 

the brightest light. 

I’m still so far, 

so far from being.

From loving me again.

So I can fully love again.

Okay? 

I was wrong. So wrong.

You were right.

It’s time to say…

Good night. 

My own hell, I set.

I’ve still got so much regret.

Stuck in a life full of inner hurting debt.

Gambled. Lost it all the day I jet.

I’ve still got so much regret. 

I'M SO SORRY!

Back in time to the day we met.

Rewrite the day I left.

New Death

New Death

by Tyler Ross

I want to live as long as possible

and prosper with everyone

striving for the better within and out.

But I’ve got doubt.

There’s something aching

and distracting

holding me in an existential place.

I find it funny in these times

me visiting so many graves

and watching the world burn,

when it truly needs to be saved

from the hells its created.

I’m fading.

My heart health seems to be failing.

Please don’t let me go set sailing

without properly and lovingly 

saying bye.

I want to help everyone in need 

fly high.

But I’m sorry if I couldn’t last.

Death sure does come fast. 

2017

2017

By: Tyler Ross

Hand over the phone, 

my thoughts are gathering 

and let me explain 

why I think my mind is scattering. 

Walking around with my face in my hands 

trying to understand 

why I have no plans. 

Friends are absent. 

I’m constantly forgotten. 

Just some facts 

that make waking up feel rotten. 

Some days I can barely exist. 

Frustrated with the world around me 

caught in its twist. 

Its constant struggle 

inside my head. 

Not understanding why 

most empathy is dead.

Nothing’s changing 

and I probably will be 

losing all patience and the hope left in me. 

Jaded more than I ever have been. 

The ego’s are too strong 

and bad behavior still wins. 

Some days I’d rather call it than have to deal 

or try to get involved with it. 

Its not for me nor will it ever be 

a place to see 20/20. 

Some days I wish I wouldn’t be.

A.P.C.

A.P.C.
By: Tyler Ross

Rapidly darting around inside my head,
are the thoughts of you.
Heavy with feeling,
I don't feel well.
I want to cry.
Seeing your life blossom
with love and bliss is beautiful,
yet I am asking myself why.
Why the hurt inside?
Why the shame?
You're gonna be a mum soon.
Nothing will be the same.
Only the greatest gain.
Something inside my brain
wants to add torturous bricks to my shoulders
and I feel like I'm under water.
Dying to breathe.
Dying to make this all go away.
I'm haunted by my thoughts,
the memories of you.
The things I wished were different.
The things I wish I didn't do.
I was younger and somewhat without a clue.
Who knew I'd be so blue,
while the Earth rotates on
and I turned into an outsider
watching you go on
to be the best mum,
girlfriend,
and a more lovely human being,
who grew up and proved me wrong.
I'll bury my head in tears to City & Colour
- "Casey's Song."

Dwelling For Light

Dwelling For Light

By: Tyler Ross

in this dark place,

you may find fragments

of me

my existential crisis

the deepest fears

and the sadnesses,

which have consumed,

relented

and fractured

their way into hope.

Broken

and trying. Clawing my way out.

I don’t feel close,

as I tread through;

the loneliness 

hugging this tight space.

Breath short,

eyes in haze

and mind close to cave.

Dreams, wishes

surfacing into place

again working my being

as I’m further from

one thing wanted 

oh, you know 

not just a taste 

that becomes fleeting

and leaves my heart aching

beating for more

until their is nothing

more than feeling stranded

a build up of connecting

to be left

abandoned

again and again

back into the cycle,

to this hole.

Cold breaking my soul,

when I don’t want to be

buried beneath

the things consistently 

taking its toll.

Further losing control.

Like binging a large pizza

then debating another slice when full.

We're All Gonna Die (Born To Die Revisited)

We're All Gonna Die (Born To Die Revisited)

By: Tyler Ross

Creeping around the corner

I see death,

distorted minds

with no order, turning to chaos

I turn a cold shoulder

as I paint outside your lines.

It’s hard for positivity to set

with neglect

I live within these walls

can’t be settled as of yet.

Closed blinds against judgmental times

I pen words as a release

to find ultimate peace inside my mind.

I seem to pay for having respect,

pushing for a steady check.

Ready to die,

there’s no fear for I choose to accept.

We’re all born to die.

During such turbulent times,

I smile with the rest before fear interrupts my mind.

We’re all born to die.

Everyone for themselves.

it’s money over a life of natural wealth.

We’re all born to die.

So many have left their hearts on the shelf

never questioning the disconnect between themselves.

We’re all gonna die.

Time for peace from a world lacking empathy.

Turn cold 
to a world that continues to bury the good-hearted humanity. 

We’re all born to die.

My life won’t flash before my eyes.

I kiss my mom, brother and my dad goodbye

We’re all born to die.

As the darkness seeps,

no light will show

when they bury me 

six feet deep.

As You Are

As You Are

By: Tyler Ross

I’ll take you for a drive.

Like raindrops fall from raincoats;

like whispers leaving lips,

slowly away from fear of expectations.

I’ll be your guiding light,

a heartbeat to keep you safe at night.

Trust me as we lead,

to that place we used to meet

full of smiles filled with clarity.

To the rocket ship painted in dreams,

that was left for just you and me.

So come with me I’ll buy you the ticket.

Don’t sweat it,
it’s more than a visit.

I need you

like the Earth needs the moon.

I need you to come home soon.

Even if life could, I would never let you go, so

Please come with me I’ll buy you the ticket.
Don’t sweat it,

it’s more than a commitment.

I need you

to stay with me not just visit.

I need you more this time.

Your happy crystal eyes

like hypnotic melodies mesmerize,

like waterfalls draped in greens,

soothing, bringing out the best in me.

Don’t take your precious time.

Life won’t wait, it’s such a crime

to be without water, when you’re the sunshine.

And even deeper, you’re always on my mind.

So journey with me to our place

where distractions don’t have what it takes

and the road is open wide.

I need you most in my life.

So,

come with me I’ll buy you the ticket.

Don’t sweat it,
it’s more than a visit.

I need you

like the Earth needs the moon.

I need you to come home soon.

Please come with me I’ll buy you the ticket.
Don’t sweat it,

it’s more than a commitment.

I need you

to stay with me not just visit.

I love you, it’s our time.

Killing In The Name Of Love

By: Tyler Ross

I killed again.

I took another human soul and buried it

beyond the hopeless

world between love and death.

Does such a world exist

or have I been misled to believe?

There is a lagging and leeching feeling

of importance to me

to not hurt another,

but I have

and then,

I was left

with this

a year and a half

later…

“Loving you was

the most

exquisite form

of self

destruction.”

I killed her,

broke her spirit,

and there is

nothing I can do.

So I sit and wonder.

Will she ever recover

that sense of self again?

I loved.

She loved harder.

She fought.
I fought.

She fought harder.

We argued.

Day in, day out.

I couldn’t breathe.

Maybe it was me?

Maybe it was more her?

Now, I can’t tell the difference.

Today.

She has a cat.

She has her family.

She has her friends.

She has medication,

but she doesn’t seem okay.

Still to this day.

Is it not right to reflect on your past?

We were friends.

We loved.

We grew.

We shared our lives.

But all is left is this overwhelming feeling

of loss and pain and

destruction.

One day one of us will die first

and that’s it.

Will she be okay?

I can only fucking hope.

It’s pretty brutal how living with this

pain,

slowly killing me,
and crushing me for killing

to where I feel the cycle of

‘what goes around, comes around’

is striking me down,

down into the ground.

I killed again.
And I feel eternally punished.

I’m sorry

I killed

in the name of love.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be

the beautiful person you saw in me.

I wish I could take away your pain.

Abby was her name.

Love > Test

Love > Test
By: Tyler Ross

I remember being alone
and how cold it felt inside.
The chill creeping in rapidly
numbing everything around me,
except that awful freezing,
starving for attention.
Everyone seemed a threat,
as my mind lost control.
Anti-trust.
I swallowed it whole.
Where does a damaged soul find solace
inside a ball of growing confusion,
freezing all that's becoming a mess?
I don't want this
to hurt me anymore,
the human I desire
and feel to be the best.
Why is love such a test?

Inside Out

Inside Out
By: Tyler Ross

He just stares into space,
feeling less day by day,
unsure about wanting to stay.
The skin he wears is uncomfortable.
His core compromised too many times,
and love lost by self-induced flames.
He remains exhausted from his mind,
and tired from time spent - failing,
not relating.
His world feels toxic, unfamiliar
and losing importance rapidly.
The very things that validate him
feel like they're alienating him.
Devalued.
Torn.
This isn't the life he signed up for.
A suicide note now means so much more.
Polluted.
Truly unappreciated,
he struggles to grasp a life once loved
and misses it very much.

Welcome To Earth 2014

Welcome To Earth 2014
By: Tyler Ross

Many ignored smiles.
Too much disrespect.
Too many unanswered calls.
Too many unanswered texts.

R.I.P. to empathy.
Poor communication.
You think your time has more value?
Too much time wasted with these situations.

Welcome to Earth 2014
You ain't no friend of mine.

I'm out.

Generation Kill

Generation Kill
By: Tyler Ross

It’s truly sad to witness and experience the state the world is in.

Communication is at an all-time low and not even at rock bottom.

What does that tell us?

Texting is the most popular form of conversing, next to the Internet.

Respect is lessening as much as empathy.

Entitlement, validation and selfishness overpower the public, which consumes this globe.

Women, race and gender still lack equality and acceptance inside many minds.
The planet is constantly in trouble, but I still see assholes toss trash out their car windows is just one example out of the thousands wrong.

Health care is absent from roll call yet again, all because the medical world of prescriptions drugs and private companies would take a major hit in revenue just for starters.

The school system is going through its run of the mill motions to please a bunch of shitty adults that have no real interest in these young minds, but to control.

There is learning to be done about the real world, but it isn’t being taught, instead algebra, gym, foreign languages are requirements.

Languages are important, but aren’t necessary depending on ones living situation. We should be educated to understand the way politicians speak, and beyond the constant battle of drug abuse.
Priority is backward.

Greed is still high.

The rich are still rich and the poor keep getting poorer, when they should flip flop every once in a while.
Balance may very well ensue and a more well rounded understanding too.

Ancient civilizations with less thrived more efficiently without all this junk and attitude, but with more at the tip of our fingers, we cling to constant feuds and controlling mentalities.

Honest, driven, compassionate and transparent people should be given more of a chance.

Nerdy kids are finally popular now that nerd culture is popular, which is nice to see, but even they too now have used the power to bully.

I don’t know why I wanted to write this all down.

I suppose I am feeling neglected and cheated in my life.

Most days I want out, but then I remember I have more to give.
Even if just once in a blue moon, it’s more love to another that might be suffering just like the heart of my own brother.
He’s great and I don’t understand the foolish ways he’s treated.

Why him too?

This world isn’t such a nice place.

It hasn’t been for centuries.

I feel more alone and I’ve realized no one feels a bit like me.

I’m not done…

Gray

Gray
By: Tyler Ross

Hundreds of rubber-like fragments lock in at once, a daily dose of concentrated thoughts ricocheting in and out my brain.  A child’s attention span of emotions running wild without direction, I hide away from the outside.  I am bothered, triggered, and torn between where I want to be, see and feel.  What used to be simple now can never be it seems.  But I still try to find the way out of the gray.  Always in the middle, my life has been birthed that way.  I’m more aware as my journey grows like a lonesome weed in a wildfire field of burning rose.  I once said, “Like shattered glass, I’m breaking free,” but for years I became the glass shattered and I’m finding it hard to mend the pieces in me.  To one day live with less noise and sharpshooting thought and not feel destroyed from the head pounding projections, I myself like a lot.  I’m gray.  

Pacific Liaison

Pacific Liaison  

By: Tyler Ross

Smile with her

like you mean it

all the time.

And turn those bestowing feelings

she helps generate into the upmost appreciation

and love,

everyday.

Sick!

SICK!

By: Tyler Ross

I’m sick

Sick of people not inspired

Sick of jobs that won’t rightfully hire

Sick of the transit system

Sick of being tired

Sick of racism

Sick of fascism

Sick of television

Just sick of the entire ism’s

Sick of those preaching

Sick of being led reaching

Sick of bums leeching

Sick of bias teachings

Sick of being lonely

Sick of the fake

Sick of all the hate

Sick of problems that keep me awake

Sick of gay bashing

Sick of planes crashing

Sick of ideas clashing

Sick of opportunities passing

My patience is wearing thin

Sick of lazy Americans

Sick of those without passion

Again, again, and again!

Sick of life labels

Sick of not being able

Sick of popularity

Sick of paying lots for therapy

Sick of the money hungry

Sick of the greed

Sick of people abusing the drug system to get what they need

Sick of narrow minds

Sick of these wars

Sick of the blindness in religion

Sick of media turning us into whores

Sick of all the bullshit shoved in my face

Sick of exclusion because of race

Sick of politics and being told the better side to embrace

Sick of the radio playing the same songs

Sick of the knee-jerking self-righteous ones

Sick of platitudes

Sick of attitudes

Sick of children starving without any food

Sick of platform abusing celebrities

Sick of arguing about comedian hilarity 

Sick of those who judge

Sick of people who don’t recognize love

Sick of cold hearts

Sick of discrimination

Sick of my youth not capitalizing within their generation

Sick of the court system

Sick of those who won’t listen

Sick of opinions in the news (You aren’t journalism)

Sick of being last

Sick of reliving the past

Sick of questions not asked

Sick of people with no class

Sick of the cheaters

Sick of parking meters

Sick of chivalry non-believers

Sick of hanging alone in life's bleachers

Sick of empty words

Sick of not being heard

Sick of 2012

It’s fucking absurd

Sick of dissing vegans

You uneducated and non-planet caring heathens

I’m sick for so many reasons

Sick of wasted life

The excuses and those that quit

Sick of living in a world

that doesn’t give a shit

I’m sick

I’m sick of the lack of communication I see

Sick of selfish personalities

Sick of zombie sucking phone technology

Sometimes I’m sick of me

Sick of mediocrity

Sick of people not returning calls

Sick of the cops not protecting us all

Sick of not having universal health care

Sick of all the pollution in the air

Sick of playing it ‘cool’

Sick of the silence

Sick of all hidden systematic rules

Sick of being ignored

Sick of being poor

Sick of the inequality I see

I’m sick of so much more

I’m sick for those still not free

But somehow, I still have hope in me

I’m sick of...

Please drain some of this massive empathy

I feel sick

Now sick from being me.