Ugh, That Stabbing Pain

Ugh, That Stabbing Pain

by: Tyler Ross

So you said I love you to someone new.

And now the world just suddenly sped up

as my heart tries to stop 

and I immediately feel all shades of blue.

Colorless on the outside,

my saddened pigment comes through.

A flood of heat burns in my core

and empties my stomach,

there’s now vomit on the floor.

Broken to my knees,

heaving, it’s way too hot,

I need some breeze.

But now there’s too many locks on my door.

Stuck in between important life attachments

and suicide not wanting to be anymore.

March 21st, 2022

Mar 21st, 2022

by: Tyler Ross

Eventually, 

the truest colors will beam bright, 

the clouds will part 

and the warmest feelings 

in your heart will spread 

its radiant light.

- late night note pad entry

The Definition Of Insanity

The Definition Of Insanity

By: Tyler Ross

People can be devalued by speaking the truth,

while others can level up

instantly just by being 

conscious

or less present

or showing less care.

Its a crime to be “there”

Two truly connecting

is irrelevant 

no matter how fluid 

the consistency.

Its a mystery

or it’s a cop-out.

You decide

as frustration settles

once more.

I’ll never understand

as I’m forced 

through another door.

A helpless feeling 

in these situations

forevermore.

We're All Gonna Die (Born To Die Revisited)

We're All Gonna Die (Born To Die Revisited)

By: Tyler Ross

Creeping around the corner

I see death,

distorted minds

with no order, turning to chaos

I turn a cold shoulder

as I paint outside your lines.

It’s hard for positivity to set

with neglect

I live within these walls

can’t be settled as of yet.

Closed blinds against judgmental times

I pen words as a release

to find ultimate peace inside my mind.

I seem to pay for having respect,

pushing for a steady check.

Ready to die,

there’s no fear for I choose to accept.

We’re all born to die.

During such turbulent times,

I smile with the rest before fear interrupts my mind.

We’re all born to die.

Everyone for themselves.

it’s money over a life of natural wealth.

We’re all born to die.

So many have left their hearts on the shelf

never questioning the disconnect between themselves.

We’re all gonna die.

Time for peace from a world lacking empathy.

Turn cold 
to a world that continues to bury the good-hearted humanity. 

We’re all born to die.

My life won’t flash before my eyes.

I kiss my mom, brother and my dad goodbye

We’re all born to die.

As the darkness seeps,

no light will show

when they bury me 

six feet deep.

Whatever, Nevermind

Whatever, Nevermind

By: Tyler Ross

I am important too

and

deserve to be treated as

so

you think I'm gonna stop

mentioning it?

Not until actions

scream louder than

words

and I am

more than just words

I am more.

Killing In The Name Of Love

By: Tyler Ross

I killed again.

I took another human soul and buried it

beyond the hopeless

world between love and death.

Does such a world exist

or have I been misled to believe?

There is a lagging and leeching feeling

of importance to me

to not hurt another,

but I have

and then,

I was left

with this

a year and a half

later…

“Loving you was

the most

exquisite form

of self

destruction.”

I killed her,

broke her spirit,

and there is

nothing I can do.

So I sit and wonder.

Will she ever recover

that sense of self again?

I loved.

She loved harder.

She fought.
I fought.

She fought harder.

We argued.

Day in, day out.

I couldn’t breathe.

Maybe it was me?

Maybe it was more her?

Now, I can’t tell the difference.

Today.

She has a cat.

She has her family.

She has her friends.

She has medication,

but she doesn’t seem okay.

Still to this day.

Is it not right to reflect on your past?

We were friends.

We loved.

We grew.

We shared our lives.

But all is left is this overwhelming feeling

of loss and pain and

destruction.

One day one of us will die first

and that’s it.

Will she be okay?

I can only fucking hope.

It’s pretty brutal how living with this

pain,

slowly killing me,
and crushing me for killing

to where I feel the cycle of

‘what goes around, comes around’

is striking me down,

down into the ground.

I killed again.
And I feel eternally punished.

I’m sorry

I killed

in the name of love.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be

the beautiful person you saw in me.

I wish I could take away your pain.

Abby was her name.

Inside Out

Inside Out
By: Tyler Ross

He just stares into space,
feeling less day by day,
unsure about wanting to stay.
The skin he wears is uncomfortable.
His core compromised too many times,
and love lost by self-induced flames.
He remains exhausted from his mind,
and tired from time spent - failing,
not relating.
His world feels toxic, unfamiliar
and losing importance rapidly.
The very things that validate him
feel like they're alienating him.
Devalued.
Torn.
This isn't the life he signed up for.
A suicide note now means so much more.
Polluted.
Truly unappreciated,
he struggles to grasp a life once loved
and misses it very much.

Daydreams

Daydreams
By: Tyler Ross

Water bubbles suction to my window
           like snails do cement.
One by one,
        sliding down under a shy sun.
I follow with my eyes
              and ponder meeting love again.
I'm ready,
      and more awake than ever.