Peanut

Peanut

By: Tyler Ross

Let’s take a walk together 

instead of being on the screen.

Remember how much fun

we would have exploring everything.

Stomachs happily full of sushi,

hearts so warm with love.

A city stroll up into the Chalet.

a souvenir keeper view from above.

Tearing up together in many theaters,

some coffees to stay awake.

Late night McDonald’s nuggies runs

Uncontrollable laughter

after counting each fry we’d take.

Writing letters, poems 

and great gift giving extraordinaire‘s 

Swimming together in Mexico 

then both rocking beautiful curly hair.

Eggs, breakfast potatoes 

and avocado slices galore

Maybe we can get a waffle,

brioche French toast 

or hit up the neighborhood stores.

You put your arms around me,

I put my arms around you.

You say you love me,

I say I love you too.

Wake me up with your kisses,

cuddle for five more minutes, please.

Wake you up with kisses on the couch

let’s dream together 

after you’re done talking in your sleep.

Ice cream ventures, plant obsessions and vintage finds.

Max relax’n on beaches, Lourdes burritos

and La Banquise lines.

Lovely double dates with Sean & Les

family get togethers and more.

Hiking as much as possible

and always finding new places to explore. 

Leaving love notes behind,

dangling our feet over Echo Park Lake.

Slow dancing to “Blonde On Blonde,”

massagies to feel good and fix our aches. 

Facetiming for hours. 

Doing impressions and laughing til it hurts.

Being each other’s ultimate best friend.

Late nights at Aux Vivres for dessert. 

Smiling brightly across every table,

Hugging cows, loving animals 

and Gentle Barn feeding stables.

Açaí bowls at home or out and about

Wherever we go together 

is the greatest route.

Ugh, That Stabbing Pain

Ugh, That Stabbing Pain

by: Tyler Ross

So you said I love you to someone new.

And now the world just suddenly sped up

as my heart tries to stop 

and I immediately feel all shades of blue.

Colorless on the outside,

my saddened pigment comes through.

A flood of heat burns in my core

and empties my stomach,

there’s now vomit on the floor.

Broken to my knees,

heaving, it’s way too hot,

I need some breeze.

But now there’s too many locks on my door.

Stuck in between important life attachments

and suicide not wanting to be anymore.

One Wish

One Wish

by: Tyler Ross

A day hasn’t gone by

or many minutes 

where you haven’t been

living beautifully in my mind.

Wish I could hit rewind

and like Groundhog Day,

relive those summer months.

How did I let these times go by,

not showing you

that you were first

and most important

of all-time?

As maturity & growth are excavated

in self-purgatory

and self-awareness leads way 

to mostly glory

I’m still reminded of the shitty parts

to our story

where I wasn’t the best you deserved

and I’m sitting watching you live life 

without me is absurd.

I really hate this.

Why did I create this?

I took a separate shot at space and time

and really really missed.

Only I have myself to be so pissed.

I daydream all the time 

about the life we should be living.

I want to quit so many things

given the second chance and you forgiving.

I don’t even recognize 

that foolish soul many months ago.

I hate that you don’t even see me now,

because of what you now know.

Give me a genie lamp

and I’ll only need the one wish.

I’ll prove to you forever

you’re the one I’m in love with.

Sick Sense

Sick Sense

by: Tyler Ross

I used to overthink,

now I don’t even blink

or flinch,

really, when lessons learned 

come quick

and seem silly,

being tangled

in webs that don’t want you

to stick around.

So that head 

up in the clouds

is descending safely 

back to facing the ground.

Strugglingly discombobulated

by the perpetual sound

of people 

building you up

then letting you down.

Still longing to be 

first picked 

in a lovely, yet misleading town.

March 21st, 2022

Mar 21st, 2022

by: Tyler Ross

Eventually, 

the truest colors will beam bright, 

the clouds will part 

and the warmest feelings 

in your heart will spread 

its radiant light.

- late night note pad entry

Feed Flowers, Kill Weeds

Feed Flowers, Kill Weeds

By: Tyler Ross

Communication is at an all-time low.

Some would rather blow you off

then just say no.

Cold, and not just the temperature of actions.

Frigid fucking souls

showing true cards.

Can’t draw no satisfaction. 

We know information has been received.

Your lack of action will not achieve respect, 

but only solidify what we do next

and that is nothing.

Go ahead and keep fronting

with those hypocritical social media posts.

A person should be… communication is key… I’m sad when people… are you kidding me?

That’s you! More importantly.

No self-reflection.

Ego driven, never learning the lesson.

Too afraid to speak up.

Too selfish to drink what you pour in other cups.

Because we know you’re full of shit.

Treating people like you’re above it.

Pure greed.

Silence until attention hunger grows like a weed. 

Me, me, me, me.

“Society says, I owe you nothing” (eye roll)

Some truth to it, I’m told.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Okay, you’re free!

Back into the cold where you belong.

So long.

No longer contact me. 

Feed flowers, kill weeds.

Know the difference.

Trimming The Fat

Trimming The Fat

By: Tyler Ross

You’re too important 

but I don’t care to know

what your excuses are

because you already showed

your lack of respect

for my time.

So I’ll take that sign

And, boy I’ll let it shine.

Let it shine, oh, let it shine.

I won’t pine my mind,

or get lost in your kind.

I won’t teach you a lesson

because that aggression

only creates an obsession 

where I’m giving too much of me

and you’re too blind to see, no question.

The energy you stole

you can keep, it’s fine.

I can read between your lines.

But know I won’t be coming back.

There’s a word already for that.

A doormat.

Rubbed off, left behind discarded like trash.

I know better than that.

It’s real hard to think about anyone else

when you’re too caught up in yourself.

It sucks, but what I know is beyond wealth,

and will help me now take better care of myself.

I Wish I Could Help Everyone

"Just gonna fly into the sun. 

Then when I’m reborn as the Phoenix,

I’ll come save everyone."

- me (Tyler Nathaniel Ross)

Ups & Downs

Ups & Downs

By: Tyler Ross

 

I see you trying, but you’re lying

to yourself.

There’s no other way, 

but I promise you today,

there is.

Take those feelings and release them

into the air.

And breathe in and out slowly

because you care.

I say this with love and no disrespect.

You got to remember all the lives you affect.

It’s more than a count on just one hand.

The world is a better place with you in it.

I hope you understand.

Hunger Pains

Hunger Pains

By: Tyler Ross

I know that you don’t see me,

but I love you still.

I’ve found my time is needy,

and I’m lacking the will.

To see outside of me

and my selfish ways.

We just pretend to be strong,

while caught up in our own waves.

Tumbling and crashing,

trying to take the reins.

Struggling and disconnecting,

feeding our own hunger pains.

I know that you don’t hear me,

but I love you still.

I’ve been working on myself,

trying to stabilize this commitment pill.

To know its hurting to see

and feel these words.

This distance isn’t just torture.

It’s crushing and for the birds.

Tumbling and crashing,

trying to take the reins.

Struggling and disconnecting,

feeding our own hunger pains.

Like Paper In The Wind

Like Paper In The Wind

By: Tyler Ross

Its funny how you say it,

like you have my back,

but when its time to be a friend

there’s just too much slack.

When trying to bridge this gap,

it becomes too much work.

I can’t seem to find the balance

limboing between the surface and the murk.

It drives me berserk

walking this constant one-way street.

Basic expectations become a luxury

when phoniness is a broken record on repeat.

I hate feeling like a freak.

A fiend yearning for a normal fix.

Where are the genuine people at

who want real friendships?

C’mon, let’s take a trip

down memory lane.

You know that place

where your type run this fucked up game?

You’re all the same,

but that’s been said before.

I won’t see any positive results

knocking at your door.

Maybe it’s a talk we’ve been putting off.

I can’t dodge anymore of your toxic molotovs.

A quick rip from the table cloth.

Can you see how much still remains?

For me, not enough.

I’m out and once your smoke clears

you won’t find me lingering about.

Won’t be hurting myself anymore

looking in mirrors.

Cheers!

Don’t let your shitty behavior hit you on the way to hell.

Respect is give and take,

can't you tell?

Maybe I’ll finally stop putting quarters in LA’s friendship well.

I don’t want to attract any more phonies to my nice.

Next time you cross me and fuck with my time. 

Think twice.

No more questionable ties.

Word to the fucking wise.

Goodbye.

Re-Learning To Love Thy Self: A.P.C. Part 2

Re-Learning To Love Thy Self: A.P.C. Part 2

by: Tyler Ross

Still figuring out how to love myself.

I try to look deep down

and there’s a sadness 

affecting my health.

I know it’s there.

Love lost because I decided to

tear at my heart

Dared to part

with the warmest I’ve known

from my life’s start.

I fucking ruined what I had

because I was scared of my new home.

The sweetest love.

Ready, aimed and soared above

the unknown

out of my mind

and away from the ultimate love possibilities.

Accepted and protected,

I was.

Lost my second chance all because

I had it all and I dropped the biggest ball 

one can get in this life.

I feel antsy almost every night.

Tight in my chest and in my mind, 

alright?

You don’t leave my mental site.

And that’s all right.

I’ve tried and you always seem to be 

the brightest light. 

I’m still so far, 

so far from being.

From loving me again.

So I can fully love again.

Okay? 

I was wrong. So wrong.

You were right.

It’s time to say…

Good night. 

My own hell, I set.

I’ve still got so much regret.

Stuck in a life full of inner hurting debt.

Gambled. Lost it all the day I jet.

I’ve still got so much regret. 

I'M SO SORRY!

Back in time to the day we met.

Rewrite the day I left.

Was It Even Worth It?

Was It Even Worth It?

By: Tyler Ross

We take it in and accept its stay.

A powerful tool, but just a tool,

okay?

It runs our lives and measures our worth.

So we believe in the validation

forgetting our limited time on this Earth.

Counting the numbers like currency

It’s absurd.

Depressed from as little as one word.

We bully ourselves just as much

as we torment each other.

Ego to the brain, destroying the sane,

smothered by this addiction.

You’d think this was fiction.

Or a junky’s depiction, 

the way we’re controlled

by these lies.

Be pretty, loud, and proud, more fit,

less wit and more superficial bullshit!

Heads lost in the clouds. 

It’s not legit, so quit

while you’re ahead.

Instead of checking out

unaware of what reality has fed.

A life logged in 

consuming significant amounts of time.

One day real eyes will visualize real lies.

Word to the wise before your soul dies.

You’re worth more than a tap on the screen.

You’re worth more even if you aren’t being seen.

You’re worth more than the amount of friends you’ve got.

You’re worth more than 

all this distraction has taught.

You’re worth it, and that’s a hell of a lot. 

Distractions

Distractions

By: Tyler Ross

Feeding the rush of addiction

Honing in, the description

Another mission

Worm holed, goin’ fishin’

Troubled waters,

Richard Nixon.

Guilty and off the tracks

Listen up, face the facts

The will power you lack

Obsessing, no turning back

Caution tape snapped

Beyond, 

that’s a wrap

Too many thoughts,

Explosion

Under attack

Vision scattered all over the map

No cap

Hey normal, where ya at?

Consciousness is taking a nap

Distractions turned satisfactions

Primal reactions

Glued to rhythmic actions 

Until the beat stops

And shame spills from 

Inside out your lap

10 to 20 minutes

Then welcome back

Wipe, rinse, and repeat

Distraction complete

Reenter the world

From getting beat

Hey normal, where ya at?

I’d like to meet.

BLM (Say It, Live It)

BLM (Say It, Live It)

by: Tyler Ross

Black Lives Matter, why can’t you see?

Why is it hard for you to treat civilly 

and equally 

like you would to me?

Our police intimidate our streets,

and with institutional racism,

our brothers and sisters find it hard to compete.

A leveled life playing field everyday.

Opportunities like you and I have,

the privilege to control their own way.

And still, you find it hard to understand or say,

Black Lives Matter

Every fucking day!

Just like yours, just like mine.

Stop trying to shadow the shine.

This should have never taken this much time.

Are you an ally 

or are you ignorantly uneducated?

What will it take? 

For you to bring your walls down,

showcase real respectful love over the hatred.

This isn’t political.

Protecting Black people is critical.

Humanitarians, raise your fist in the air.

Time to reach for the pinnacle.

And for all you speaking cynical,

Your lack of presence is visible.

Lacking an understanding to the basic human rights principles.

Fighting for equal justice will resume.

Elevate the unheard and allow their voices to bloom.

Since the evil in people won’t fully die

Like Pac said, we gotta make these changes

and do what we gotta do to survive. 

Give back, open your mind.

Protect All Black Lives!

Let’s help keep people of color alive.

Today, tomorrow, forever we will continue to strive

for everyone 

to have the chance at life’s giant piece of the pie.