Friendship (1994 - present)

Friendship (1994-present)
By: Tyler Ross

All
I've
wanted
was
to be included
more than
once.

* As an adult, friendship is a thing I don't believe in just like santa claus and magic. It's something I've read about, seen amongst my peers and dreamt about growing up, but I've never experienced a tight-knit, consistent group of people as friends in my life. I've always been the middle man, the last resort, or the go-to. I played baseball competitively as a youth and onward through high school and football, but even there, I never felt more than just a teammate on the field for that time being. I can never grasp what true lasting friendship means. It's kind of like growing up without a parent or not shown much love to where you become overly sensitive toward the subject or standoffish when its finally presented. It just hurts to think about it. This is where I'm still at going on 30 years old. It's quite tough to make substantial friends, even living in Los Angeles and working within the entertainment business. It's a very lonely feeling for me still no matter how much I put myself out there. The receiving end is usually very little to none, but still I wait and or try.

Sad

Sad
By: Tyler Ross

Its 2am
and my sexual frustrations find me
masturbating on the toilet
feeling sorry for myself
because
I am a bummed out
sucker, who treated the girl he likes
a bit too nicely
or so it seems...
Now feeling the ignoring process
roll on through,
my mind reaches out
into the silence
for hope,
but my lonely libido
distracts and
numbs the hurt
for just a couple minutes
before
I start to miss her again.

Hot, Warm, Hot, Cold or So I Think

Hot, Warm, Hot, Cold or So I Think
By: Tyler Ross

I don't know what certain things mean.
Regarding signals, intended for,
but I don't intend to ignore.
They just fly in, land
and settle like a feather caught on a fence.
I live there when I get this way.
Happy with something new
though unsure with the unnecessary
silence.
A reciprocation lessening
from time to time.
Do the pages turn the same
or is one snagged upon the seemingly high fence
                                                                       I've built?
I never know if I'm doing well
because silence at the end of the day
clutches my hand and holds me
until I can no longer take it.
I seem to not be able to shake it,
so I sit alone
with my records
picking through my brain
late at night like one questions
the unknowns of the universe.
I'm confident but the silence...

Nice Girl

Nice Girl
By: Tyler Ross

In my mind, I’m not fine.
Seek me out, any time.
Erase the noise,

that keeps revisiting me.

Sow me up at my mouth.

Don’t give me reasons,

to laugh about.

I was happy no less than twelve hours ago.

In my mind, I was fine.
Reached on out, now I’m blind

stolen senses,

there’s a silence now living in you.

Build me up, break me down.

Give me little,

then you head on out.

I'm not sure what this all really means.

I gave you me,

You ate it up

I’m just bones left to dust.

I could have sworn

you wanted this like me.

Unofficial Agenda

She 

always kept him safe

in that place when she was all alone.

She loved two,
even when 

she called one her home.

Monkey See, Please Do

Monkey See, Please Do

By: Tyler Ross

When every human 

starts 

to care for others 

without any expectations or 

anything in return, 

then you can talk 

to me 

about empathy.

20 Plus Years

20 Plus Years
By: Tyler Ross

I’m uncomfortable

at the constant

thought that I miss

my friends.

The only ones left,

they’re inside my head.

I once spoke to a woman

that told me

if someone doesn’t make

the effort

in return

after three tries,

to let up.  But I

never quite

understood,

because I cared so fucking much for
those I wanted close

kept getting so far

away.

I miss when my friends missed me. 
Wanted to see me. 
Life is lonely 
when efforts are made in sizable numbers, 
but the number 
in return 
formulated this hole 
into my heart. Fuck feeling 
the efforts I’ve employed 
return as I feel sad,
disappointment. I used to not care, 
but as I get older I care 
more to have my friends.