My Heart Is In Chemnitz

My Heart Is In Chemnitz

By: Tyler Ross

She makes the sun insecure by the way she glows.

chemically charging,

cosmically radiant, love grows and flows.

Day in and out,

her laugh, that smile

infectiously the most beautiful

graced with the coolest style.

She massages my heart with her mind

the most special of all-time.

She is home,

my best friend,

a one of a kind.

Many miles separate us for now, 

but our bond flourishes more.

She is the only heaven I believe in,

the only sea I wanna sail in for.

Forevermore.

Love > Test

Love > Test
By: Tyler Ross

I remember being alone
and how cold it felt inside.
The chill creeping in rapidly
numbing everything around me,
except that awful freezing,
starving for attention.
Everyone seemed a threat,
as my mind lost control.
Anti-trust.
I swallowed it whole.
Where does a damaged soul find solace
inside a ball of growing confusion,
freezing all that's becoming a mess?
I don't want this
to hurt me anymore,
the human I desire
and feel to be the best.
Why is love such a test?

Please Tell Me I'm Wrong

Please Tell Me I'm Wrong

By: Tyler Ross

There’s a panic in my mind

and I cannot seem to dodge.

I pace it slowly while I retrace all my thoughts.

The burning in my brain can manifest little lies.

It’s hard to trust you when you’re inconsistent

and you don’t realize.

This isn’t where I see myself

questioning what’s there.

Looking for irregular patterns

on a single colored canvass left bare.
You’re magnificent in all directions,

I’ll never forget to feel.

But please don’t leave me out in the cold

if you’re not too sure if this is real… 

Please tell me I’m wrong

for this doubt above me,

pushing me off this ledge.

I guess you just don’t know

how much I really care.

You’re selfish to notice what’s really there.

If this is serious, I want to know.

Do you want to keep on watering this plant,

and see it grow?

I get the impression, you’re bored, but feel so loved.

Caught up in a predicament,

you feel guilty because you want to run.

Please tell me I’m wrong

for this doubt above me,

pushing me off this ledge.

I guess you just don’t know

how much I really care.

It seems you’re selfish to notice what’s really there.

Please tell me I’m wrong.

Hypocritical Human Pointing Fingers

Hypocritical Human Pointing Fingers
By: Tyler Ross

It's okay for one thing, but not the other,
for you.
Standing on your soapbox,
today it's the Internet,
only your point of view.
Somedays, you band together
and to spread more hate,
what's wrong with you?

Where is your open heart?
Can you be a negative reducer?
I guess not.
Your brain ignites your burning tongue
spreading more hurt,
reducing everyone.

You wear those shoes too
given the opportunity.
You just refuse to see,
those stones you cast
only add more negative unity.

I see so many quick to judge,
then apologize later.
The likes of you
don't see anything greater beyond yourself,
even if the roles were reversed.
I wish I could help.

Where are the ones
helping to pull those who've fallen?
In those times of need,
sometimes it's not about what happened,
but about the recovery.
Everyone could use a pick-me-up,
a real friend.
Someone that will boost positivity
and stand by you to the end.

We could all use a little more help,
less spreading filth.

Inside Out

Inside Out
By: Tyler Ross

He just stares into space,
feeling less day by day,
unsure about wanting to stay.
The skin he wears is uncomfortable.
His core compromised too many times,
and love lost by self-induced flames.
He remains exhausted from his mind,
and tired from time spent - failing,
not relating.
His world feels toxic, unfamiliar
and losing importance rapidly.
The very things that validate him
feel like they're alienating him.
Devalued.
Torn.
This isn't the life he signed up for.
A suicide note now means so much more.
Polluted.
Truly unappreciated,
he struggles to grasp a life once loved
and misses it very much.

Treading Water To Freedom

Treading Water To Freedom

By: Tyler Ross

I started off on the wrong foot

or at least you’d like me to think.

I blinked twice and saw you above me.

Teary eyed and torn in two,

a reflection of what’s inside of me.

Consumed,

with anger, distrust

and the distancing,

I walk this solitude alone.

Scared of what I’m becoming.

Closed off,

afraid to continue to be disappointed

by the walking, talking heartless

I find myself in front of.

Draining my everything

into a pool of unhappiness,

I am stumbling forward,

in search of

a beautiful accepting exit,

that will hopefully assist with my departure
away from this all.

Welcome To Earth 2014

Welcome To Earth 2014
By: Tyler Ross

Many ignored smiles.
Too much disrespect.
Too many unanswered calls.
Too many unanswered texts.

R.I.P. to empathy.
Poor communication.
You think your time has more value?
Too much time wasted with these situations.

Welcome to Earth 2014
You ain't no friend of mine.

I'm out.

Summers At Fryman Canyon Will Always Miss You

Summers At Fryman Canyon Will Always Miss You

By: Tyler Ross 

I said bye to a curly, black-haired dog today.

It laid in the shade struggling for air.

It’s confused and lack of urgent guardians,

gathered around 

with strangers on a Sunday morning hike

up against a fence 

by its side, 

while the mother petted it slowly.
They said it overheated,

but to me they didn’t seem too defeated,

by this saddening situation.

A member of their family,

lie motionless

and they just squatted around, hands to their heads.

Maybe there wasn’t anything they could do,

because a hiker passing had a grim tongue

reassuring to the point, this was the end.

Or maybe,

it was an old dog and death is just a part of life.

Either way, my thoughts were with the dog that day.

As we finished our hike,

back the way we started,

we crossed the family once again.

This time, the dog was in the father’s arms,

lifeless.

Sorrow surrounded that family,

as they headed for their car - every hiker was aware.

Yet I refused to believe it was dead.

We carried on that day back home,

but in my mind, 

that dog was racing around back at its home

having another shot at life.
I’m having trouble sleeping tonight.

Burning Desire

Burning Desire
By: Tyler Ross

For me, its been months and months.
Truth be told,
I still miss you and think about you often.
But I know that don't mean much to you.
I have cold feet, an eager heart
and uncontrollable thoughts circulating
my seemingly damaged brain.
Some thoughts are pleasant,
while others are misdirecting and delusional.
No excuses to be made, just stating
the truth.
You understood a lot of me.
You digested most of my pain.
I am more than thankful for you
and the time you gave me,
put up with me
and still,
had a heart so loving toward me,
not seeing it any other way.
Before I jetted physically
and mentally -
unsure completely as to why my psyche was changing.
Without much time apart,
you were gone.
Understandably, your saddened heart could only deal
with the absence in me so long.
Time will only tell what becomes of this...
this strange mutating void between two humans,
where love survived happily and willingly to catapult
into every aspect of our lives.
This alien feeling keeps me awake.
I don't dream about much.
I'm in constant confliction with my actions.
It's hard to talk without getting yelled at,
but I understand.
I have to try and understand.
I do miss you.
I miss where we were at.
But try and understand,
I can't seem to shake these feelings
fucking my world where I loved,
not allowing me to enjoy the simple life,
the simple life where things were equal
and desire lived in our blood.
I wished you understood.

Big Talk, No Walk

Big Talk, No Walk

By: Tyler Ross

Preach, you selfish fool.

Yeah, I’m talking to you.

Just like a faux leader,

telling other people what to do.

You are entitled, insecure

And need validation.

It’s your way or the highway,

Fuck your elevation! 

You thrive off solidarity

or wherever you see fit.

You feed on negativity

Or when an issue takes a hit.

There have always been these issues,

Where were you before?

No need to answer,

I don’t care for you anymore.

I don’t buy your motivations.

I question everything you do.

You’re a popularity contest,

policing anyone with a different view.

You’re a tainted name.

I wish it wasn’t true.

You make me sick

from the lack of compassion living in you.

No need to comment,

you’re just like the bullies on the Net.

I won’t tread on your thoughts,

wasted time,  get a fucking grip!

Outside looking in,

sink or swim.

It’s a cold world,
your bullshit is wearing thin.

Outsider

Outsider

By: Tyler Ross

So, what the fuck?

Living, wishing for the best.

I wish.

I fucking wish!

Completely forgotten

How is it this?

A standout, never

Trying to keep it together.

I see you.

You don’t see me.

I reached out.

You pushed back.

Silence

Always fucking silence!

Repeat. Repeat.

Too many souls

Raised with no manners

So, I pick up my pieces

Heart in tatters

And you expect me to act normal?

No respect!
That’s what matters.

Fuck your excuses
and fuck feeling sadder.

Generation Kill

Generation Kill
By: Tyler Ross

It’s truly sad to witness and experience the state the world is in.

Communication is at an all-time low and not even at rock bottom.

What does that tell us?

Texting is the most popular form of conversing, next to the Internet.

Respect is lessening as much as empathy.

Entitlement, validation and selfishness overpower the public, which consumes this globe.

Women, race and gender still lack equality and acceptance inside many minds.
The planet is constantly in trouble, but I still see assholes toss trash out their car windows is just one example out of the thousands wrong.

Health care is absent from roll call yet again, all because the medical world of prescriptions drugs and private companies would take a major hit in revenue just for starters.

The school system is going through its run of the mill motions to please a bunch of shitty adults that have no real interest in these young minds, but to control.

There is learning to be done about the real world, but it isn’t being taught, instead algebra, gym, foreign languages are requirements.

Languages are important, but aren’t necessary depending on ones living situation. We should be educated to understand the way politicians speak, and beyond the constant battle of drug abuse.
Priority is backward.

Greed is still high.

The rich are still rich and the poor keep getting poorer, when they should flip flop every once in a while.
Balance may very well ensue and a more well rounded understanding too.

Ancient civilizations with less thrived more efficiently without all this junk and attitude, but with more at the tip of our fingers, we cling to constant feuds and controlling mentalities.

Honest, driven, compassionate and transparent people should be given more of a chance.

Nerdy kids are finally popular now that nerd culture is popular, which is nice to see, but even they too now have used the power to bully.

I don’t know why I wanted to write this all down.

I suppose I am feeling neglected and cheated in my life.

Most days I want out, but then I remember I have more to give.
Even if just once in a blue moon, it’s more love to another that might be suffering just like the heart of my own brother.
He’s great and I don’t understand the foolish ways he’s treated.

Why him too?

This world isn’t such a nice place.

It hasn’t been for centuries.

I feel more alone and I’ve realized no one feels a bit like me.

I’m not done…

Camera Shy

Camera Shy
By: Tyler Ross

An excuse is the Photoshop 

to photography, 

which only covers up reality.

When you felt guilty, 

you presented me with these pictures
to help justify 

your reason 

for leaving out the truthful image 

which is killing you 

inside.

Friendship (1994 - present)

Friendship (1994-present)
By: Tyler Ross

All
I've
wanted
was
to be included
more than
once.

* As an adult, friendship is a thing I don't believe in just like santa claus and magic. It's something I've read about, seen amongst my peers and dreamt about growing up, but I've never experienced a tight-knit, consistent group of people as friends in my life. I've always been the middle man, the last resort, or the go-to. I played baseball competitively as a youth and onward through high school and football, but even there, I never felt more than just a teammate on the field for that time being. I can never grasp what true lasting friendship means. It's kind of like growing up without a parent or not shown much love to where you become overly sensitive toward the subject or standoffish when its finally presented. It just hurts to think about it. This is where I'm still at going on 30 years old. It's quite tough to make substantial friends, even living in Los Angeles and working within the entertainment business. It's a very lonely feeling for me still no matter how much I put myself out there. The receiving end is usually very little to none, but still I wait and or try.

Sad

Sad
By: Tyler Ross

Its 2am
and my sexual frustrations find me
masturbating on the toilet
feeling sorry for myself
because
I am a bummed out
sucker, who treated the girl he likes
a bit too nicely
or so it seems...
Now feeling the ignoring process
roll on through,
my mind reaches out
into the silence
for hope,
but my lonely libido
distracts and
numbs the hurt
for just a couple minutes
before
I start to miss her again.

Hot, Warm, Hot, Cold or So I Think

Hot, Warm, Hot, Cold or So I Think
By: Tyler Ross

I don't know what certain things mean.
Regarding signals, intended for,
but I don't intend to ignore.
They just fly in, land
and settle like a feather caught on a fence.
I live there when I get this way.
Happy with something new
though unsure with the unnecessary
silence.
A reciprocation lessening
from time to time.
Do the pages turn the same
or is one snagged upon the seemingly high fence
                                                                       I've built?
I never know if I'm doing well
because silence at the end of the day
clutches my hand and holds me
until I can no longer take it.
I seem to not be able to shake it,
so I sit alone
with my records
picking through my brain
late at night like one questions
the unknowns of the universe.
I'm confident but the silence...

Nice Girl

Nice Girl
By: Tyler Ross

In my mind, I’m not fine.
Seek me out, any time.
Erase the noise,

that keeps revisiting me.

Sow me up at my mouth.

Don’t give me reasons,

to laugh about.

I was happy no less than twelve hours ago.

In my mind, I was fine.
Reached on out, now I’m blind

stolen senses,

there’s a silence now living in you.

Build me up, break me down.

Give me little,

then you head on out.

I'm not sure what this all really means.

I gave you me,

You ate it up

I’m just bones left to dust.

I could have sworn

you wanted this like me.

Unofficial Agenda

She 

always kept him safe

in that place when she was all alone.

She loved two,
even when 

she called one her home.

Monkey See, Please Do

Monkey See, Please Do

By: Tyler Ross

When every human 

starts 

to care for others 

without any expectations or 

anything in return, 

then you can talk 

to me 

about empathy.

20 Plus Years

20 Plus Years
By: Tyler Ross

I’m uncomfortable

at the constant

thought that I miss

my friends.

The only ones left,

they’re inside my head.

I once spoke to a woman

that told me

if someone doesn’t make

the effort

in return

after three tries,

to let up.  But I

never quite

understood,

because I cared so fucking much for
those I wanted close

kept getting so far

away.

I miss when my friends missed me. 
Wanted to see me. 
Life is lonely 
when efforts are made in sizable numbers, 
but the number 
in return 
formulated this hole 
into my heart. Fuck feeling 
the efforts I’ve employed 
return as I feel sad,
disappointment. I used to not care, 
but as I get older I care 
more to have my friends.