But Still I...

But Still I...
By: Tyler Ross

Nowadays I take long hot showers

staring into nothingness. 

Hoping the little water beams can reach

my wounded heart. 

I’ve done my part. 

And been a really good man. 

But we watch me suffer. 

A month goes by, 

an even better man than before. 

But we watch me suffer. 

I pour my heart. 

Reaching to pull me out of the drowning world

now which I live in but I am left in.

The water gets slightly warmer. 

My thoughts numb.

Almost hopeless. 

Never would I allow someone to go through this. 

Someone in which I’ve committed to loving most. 

It’s been maybe 40 minutes. 

Wasted water. 

Energy low. 

I want to come out of invisibility. 

A way to your heart and mind again. 

Be of high importance. 

I am worried. 

I am scared. 

No answers. 

No emotions really to show I’m still there. 

The shower stops. 

I towel myself off. 

I step out fresh. 

The day may show me I’m wrong. 

Show me I’m not on the end of what we were. 

I think of me being shown love again. 

The day moves on. 

More days move on. 

Not much changes. 

I hope. 

I love. 

I don’t understand. 

You’ve got it so perfect. 

But still we watch me suffer.